Communication Habits That All Successful Leaders Have

At the heart of successful leadership and great business is great communication.
 
By Lolly Daskal
@LollyDaskal

The way you communicate as a leader is important. The right tone, the right voice, the right body language--these elements are as important as the words you say, sometimes more.

Having a leader who understands the principles of great communication can make the difference between a collaborative team and one that goes in circles.

If we can get our communication right, we can build strong teams, be persuasive with clients and generally accelerate our business.

Here are some principles to remember.

1. Customize your communication.
Consistency is important, but that doesn't mean you should speak the same way to everyone. Customize your messages in light of what you know about the listener. Some people like details, some like the big picture, and some people want to hear only about the bottom line. Pay attention to their cues and tailor your communication accordingly.

2. Actively listen.
Good listening is among the most important, and overlooked, principles of great communication. Don't zone out when someone else is speaking, and make sure that your own body language indicates your interest. Maintain eye contact and respond with small gestures that show you are listening and receiving the message. If you have any doubts about what you're hearing, try paraphrasing or repeating back what you have heard.

3. Let others finish.
If you're anxiously waiting for an opening so you can jump and speak, you are not really listening. Train yourself not to think about interrupting other speakers but instead to make sure they have had their say before you begin speaking.

4. Ask simple questions.
You learn the most when you keep your questions simple and open-ended. Why, what, when, where, and how are still the gold standard. If you ask the right questions you will always find the right answers.

5. Be polite.
Don't check your phone or look at your watch when someone else is speaking. Give the respect of your undivided attention. 

6. Use the power of "I" statements.
Communication becomes more productive when you avoid stating your thoughts as facts. For example, instead of saying, "This project is a failure," you might say, "I am very concerned about the sustainability of this project." Try to avoid "you" statements ("You haven't done anything") that set up a cycle of judgment and defensiveness. Instead, say, "I can see there's still a lot to be done." 

7. Pay attention to what your body's saying.
Some researchers find that body language makes up more than half of what you're communicating. Is your posture open and confident, or closed off?

8. Watch your tone.
Make sure your tone matches what you're saying if you want your message to be clear.

9. Avoid sarcasm.
It has a high failure rate--and even when it works, it mostly serves to build walls and destroy strong connections.

There are few things you can do that will benefit your leadership and organization more than working to improve your communication skills.

Make sure you and those on your team communicate clearly and with purpose, and your odds of success grow astronomically.

These habits will make you happier😊

In Hans Christian Andersen's fable The Red Shoes, a young girl longs for a pair of pretty red shoes. She ultimately tricks the blind woman who cares for her into buying her a pair. Her love for the red shoes causes her to give them priority over the more important things in her life, and, as often happens in fables, karma is not on her side. The shoes become firmly stuck to her feet and force her to dance non-stop, to the point where she almost dies from exhaustion and starvation.

We can scoff at the little girl's foolishness, but, in real life, we often do the same thing—we chase after the things that we think will make us happy and don’t realize that we’re heading down a dangerous path.

One study found that the people who experience the greatest job satisfaction aren’t the ones in the big, fancy offices; they’re the ones who approach their work as a calling, even when that work involves menial labor.

Another study found that simply seeing fast-food logos makes people impatient. It's not that there's some intrinsic characteristic of fast food that makes people impatient; it's the habits we've come to associate with fast food, such as always being on the run, eating on the go, and never slowing down enough to enjoy a healthy meal, that bring out our impatience.

We have to be very careful in choosing our pursuits, because our habits make us. Cultivating the habits that follow will send you in the right direction. They’ll help you to lead a more meaningful and fulfilling life, whereby you cultivate the best within yourself.

Stay away from people who erode your quality of life. If merely seeing a logo for a fast-food company can make you feel impatient, just think how much more impact a toxic person can have on your life. They might be unhappy about your decision to stay away from them, and they might tell you very loudly just how unhappy they are, but isn’t avoiding them worth the cumulative effects of years of their negative influence? There are always going to be toxic people who have a way of getting under your skin and staying there. Each time you find yourself thinking about a coworker or person who makes your blood boil, practice being grateful for someone else in your life instead. There are plenty of people out there who deserve your attention, and the last thing you want to do is think about the people who don’t matter.

No more phone, tablet, or computer in bed. This is a big one, which most people don't even realize harms their sleep and productivity. Short-wavelength blue light plays an important role in determining your mood, energy level, and sleep quality. In the morning, sunlight contains high concentrations of this blue light. When your eyes are exposed to it directly, it halts production of the sleep-inducing hormone melatonin and makes you feel alert. In the afternoon, the sun's rays lose their blue light, which allows your body to produce melatonin and this starts making you sleepy. By the evening, your brain doesn’t expect any blue light exposure and is very sensitive to it. Most of our favorite evening devices—laptops, tablets, and mobile phones—emit short-wavelength blue light brightly and right in your face. This exposure impairs melatonin production and interferes with your ability to fall asleep, as well as with the quality of your sleep once you do nod off. As we’ve all experienced, poor nights’ sleep has disastrous effects. The best thing you can do is to avoid these devices after dinner (television is OK for most people, as long as they sit far enough away from the set).

Appreciate the here and now. Gratitude is fundamental to peace and happiness—not wealth, glamour, adventure, or fast cars, but simple appreciation for what you have. Just because you can’t afford champagne and caviar doesn’t mean that you never enjoy a meal. Hot dogs and beer on the back deck with your friends taste just as good. So, don’t fool yourself into thinking that you need something that you don’t currently have in order to be happy, because the truth is that if you can’t appreciate what you have now, you won’t be able to appreciate the “good life” if you ever get it.

Realize that things aren’t always as you perceive them to be. This goes along with appreciating the here and now. That person you envy because they seem to have the perfect life might be dealing with all kinds of problems behind closed doors. That “perfection” could be a total mirage. Your employer’s decision to move the office might seem like a huge hassle when you first hear about it, but it could end up being one of the best things that ever happens to you. You’re not omniscient and you’re not a fortune-teller, so be open to the possibility that life might have some surprises in store, because what you see is not always what you get.

Get started, even though you might fail. Most writers spend countless hours brainstorming their characters and plots, and they even write page after page that they know they’ll never include in the books. They do this because they know that ideas need time to develop. We tend to freeze up when it’s time to get started because we know that our ideas aren’t perfect and that what we produce might not be any good. But how can you ever produce something great if you don’t get started and give your ideas time to evolve? Author Jodi Picoult summarized the importance of avoiding perfectionism perfectly: “You can edit a bad page, but you can’t edit a blank page.”

Get organized. People joke about new ideas being in short supply, but I think that the one resource that’s really scarce is spare time. Do you know anybody who has some? Yet we waste so much of it by not being organized. We touch things two or three times before we do something with them (like tossing the mail down on the counter then moving it to the table so we can cook dinner) and once we’ve put them away, we spend even more time looking for them. Have a place for all of those little things you need to take care of when you get a minute, whether it’s your child’s permission slip for a field trip or an overdue bill, and then get to them in a timely manner; otherwise you’ll be searching through a huge stack of stuff for the one thing you need.

Start a collection of the things that truly resonate with you. Have you ever come across a quote or a meme that so perfectly summed up your feelings that you wanted to keep it forever? You know that it’s in one of those coats you wore five winters ago, and you really hope it’s not the one you gave to Goodwill. When you come across something that resonates with you—whether it’s something that expresses who you are or who you want to be—have a central place to keep those gems. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a spiral notebook, a leather binder, or a folder on Evernote, have a place to collect the things that matter so that you can revisit them regularly.

Do something that reminds you who you are. We all joke about having “me” time, but what is that, really? It’s making time for those activities that we feel most authentically ourselves doing, when all the masks are off and we can just be. Whether it’s going for a run or dancing around with your 80s favorites blaring at top volume, make time for those moments. They’re incredibly rejuvenating.

Say no. Research conducted at the University of California in San Francisco shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression, all of which erode self-control. Saying no is indeed a major self-control challenge for many people. “No” is a powerful word that you should not be afraid to wield. When it’s time to say no, emotionally intelligent people avoid phrases like “I don’t think I can” or “I’m not certain.” Saying no to a new commitment honors your existing commitments and gives you the opportunity to successfully fulfill them. Just remind yourself that saying no is an act of self-control now that will increase your future self-control by preventing the negative effects of over commitment.

Stick to realistic goals. How many people start January by proclaiming, “I’m going to lose 30 pounds by March!”? Big, scary, crazy goals can be incredibly inspiring—until you fall short, and then, instead of inspiration, you’re left with disappointment and guilt. I’m certainly not suggesting that you stop setting goals that push and challenge you, just that you try to stick within the bounds of reality.

Bringing It All Together

Your character is determined by your attitude and how you spend your time, and so is happiness. Stop chasing the things that you think will make you happy, and start realizing that your peace and happiness are entirely up to you.

Ever tried any of these habits? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the #1 bestselling book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0, and the cofounder of TalentSmart, the world's leading provider of emotional intelligence tests and training, serving more than 75% of Fortune 500 companies. His bestselling books have been translated into 25 languages and are available in more than 150 countries. Dr. Bradberry has written for, or been covered by, Newsweek, BusinessWeek, Fortune, Forbes, Fast Company, Inc., USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The Harvard Business Review.

33 different ways to define leadership

Webster defines leadership as "the power or ability to lead other people," but for most people, there's a lot more to it than that. 

Ask anyone what it means to be a leader, and you'll likely hear something unique every time. That's because everyone has his or her own idea of what leadership is, but not every boss leads a team the same way. Some people think leadership means guiding others to complete a particular task, while others believe it means motivating the members of your team to be their best selves. But while the definitions may vary, the general sentiments remain the same: Leaders are people who know how to achieve goals and inspire people along the way.

So how do you define leadership? Business News Daily asked business owners, managers and experts to explain what leadership means to them. Here are 33 different ways to define leadership.

"Leadership is the ability to not only understand and utilize your innate talents, but to also effectively leverage the natural strengths of your team to accomplish the mission. There is no one-size fits all approach, answer key or formula to leadership. Leadership should be the humble, authentic expression of your unique personality in pursuit of bettering whatever environment you are in." – Katie Christy, founder, Activate Your Talent

"Leadership is about having a selfless heart and always being willing to reach out and lend a helping hand." – Bob Reina, CEO and founder, Talk Fusion

"To me, leadership is about playing to strengths and addressing weaknesses in the most productive and efficient way possible. It's about knowing your team and yourself, and doing your best job to set both up for success." – Sammy Cohen, co-founder, Neon Bandits

"Leadership is the ability to see a problem and be the solution. So many people are willing to talk about problems or can even empathize, but not many can see the problem or challenge and rise to it. It takes a leader to truly see a problem as a challenge and want to drive toward it. That is what causes people to want to follow, and a true leader has a following." – Andrea Walker-Leidy, owner, Walker Publicity Consulting

"Leadership is having the humility to put your employees first so that the company can grow. Leaders should invest time [in] employees and make sure that they feel comfortable in the workplace. This increases the functionality and efficiency of the company." – Matthew Adams, director of communications, Tru-Colour Bandages

"A leader is someone [who] leads by example and has the integrity to do the right thing even when it is not popular. A good leader has positive influence over others, inspiring them to become a better person and example for others to model their life against, as well." – Mark Little, founder and president, Diversified Funding

"Leadership is serving the people that work for you by giving them the tools they need to succeed. Your workers should be looking forward to the customer and not backwards, over their shoulders, at you. It also means genuine praise for what goes well and leading by taking responsibility early and immediately if things go bad." – Jordan French, president, BNB Shield

"Leadership is the ability to unapologetically express and see out your business vision. Leadership is using your intuition to guide you, and inspiring your team to come along for the ride. Leadership is listening to that 'inner voice,' even when it is risky, scary, and challenging the status quo." – Makenzie Marzluff, founder, Delighted By

"Leadership is the ability to help people achieve things they don't think are possible. Leaders are coaches with a passion for developing people, not players; they get satisfaction from achieving objectives through others. Leaders inspire people through a shared vision and create an environment where people feel valued and fulfilled." – Randy Stocklin, co-founder and CEO, Readers.com

"Leadership is having a vision, sharing that vision and inspiring others to support your vision while creating their own." – Mindy Gibbins-Klein, founder, REAL Thought Leaders [See Related Story: What Is Leadership?]

"Leadership is the ability to guide others without force into a direction or decision that leaves them still feeling empowered and accomplished." – Lisa Cash Hanson, CEO, Snuggwugg

"Effective leadership is providing the vision and motivation to a team so they work together toward the same goal, and then understanding the talents and temperaments of each individual and effectively motivating each person to contribute individually their best toward achieving the group goal." – Stan Kimer, president, Total Engagement Consulting by Kimer

"Leadership is the art of serving others by equipping them with training, tools and people as well as your time, energy and emotional intelligence so that they can realize their full potential, both personally and professionally." – Daphne Mallory, family business expert, The Daphne Mallory Company

"Leadership is being bold enough to have vision and humble enough to recognize achieving it will take the efforts of many people — people who are most fulfilled when they share their gifts and talents, rather than just work. Leaders create that culture, serve that greater good and let others soar." – Kathy Heasley, founder and president, Heasley & Partners

"My perspective of a leader is an individual who knows the ins and outs about the business so they can empathize with followers. In addition to being a positive influence on the people they are leading, leadership is about setting the tone, motivating, inspiring, thinking big, and never [giving] up when others feel like quitting." – Alexis Davis, founder and designer, Hoo-Kong by Alexis Davis

"A true leader is secure in creating a framework that encourages others to tap into their own skills and ideas and freely contribute to the whole of the project or company." – Judy Crockett, owner, Interactive Marketing & Communication

"In my experience, leadership is about three things: To listen, to inspire and to empower. Over the years, I've tried to learn to do a much better job listening actively, making sure I really understand the other person's point of view, learning from them, and using that basis of trust and collaboration to inspire and empower. [It's about] setting the bar high, and then giving them the time and resources to do great work." – Larry Garfield, president, Garfield Group

"I define leadership as knowing when to be in front to lead and guide a team during the journey, and when to step back and let others take the lead. Much like an athlete who knows exactly what position to move to on the field at any given time, a true business leader understands the delicate balance of how to help others become leaders, fuel career ambitions, then give them the chance to shine." – Dan Schoenbaum, CEO, Redbooth

"Too many people view management as leadership. It's not. Leadership comes from influence, and influence can come from anyone at any level and in any role. Being open and authentic, helping to lift others up and working toward a common mission, build influence. True leadership comes when those around you are influenced by your life in a positive way." – Kurt Uhlir, CEO and co-founder, Sideqik

"Leadership is when someone is willing to stand up front to be either the target or the hero to take responsibility for the success or failure of a given goal. Not everyone has the guts to be a leader and [take] personal risks that they may encounter." – Darlene Tenes, founder and designer, CasaQ

"Leadership is stepping out of your comfort zone and taking risk to create reward." – Katie Easley, founder, Kate Ryan Design

"A leader is someone who has the clarity to know the right things to do, the confidence to know when she's wrong and the courage to do the right things even when they're hard." – Darcy Eikenberg, founder, RedCapeRevolution.com

"Leadership is the behavior that brings the future to the present, by envisioning the possible and persuading others to help you make it a reality." – Matt Barney, founder and CEO, LeaderAmp

"Leadership is caring more about the cause and the people in your company than about your own personal pain and success. It is about having a greater vision of where your company is trying to go while leaving the path open for others to grow into leaders." – Jarie Bolander, COO and co-founder, Lab Sensor Solutions

"A leader is a person who takes you where you will not go alone." – Susan Ascher, CEO, founder and president, SusanAscher.com

"Leadership means using one's influence to help guide others in successfully achieving a goal without desire for recognition, without worry of what others think and with awareness of issues, internal or external, that might change the results sought." – Marie Hansen, dean of the college of business, Husson University

"Leadership is not about finding ways to lead better or to motivate your team. It's about being there from the beginning as equals and becoming a mentor when they need you to be one." –Michael Womack, co-founder, hovelstay.com

"Leadership styles differ, but at the core, good leaders make the people they are leading accomplish more than they otherwise would. The most effective leaders do this not through fear, intimidation or title, but rather by building consensus around a common goal." – Tom Madine, CEO and president, Worldwide Express

"Leadership is inspiring others to pursue your vision within the parameters you set, to the extent that it becomes a shared effort, a shared vision and a shared success." – Steve Zeitchik, CEO of Focal Point Strategies

"For me, leadership is an act — a decision to take a stand, or step, in order to encourage, inspire or motivate others to move with you. What's more, the most effective leaders do not rely on their title, or positional power, to lead. Rather, their ability to use their own personal power combined with their use of strategic influence are what make them effective." – Kendra Coleman, consultant, Sheppard Moscow

"Leadership is the ability to take an average team of individuals and transform them into superstars. The best leader is the one who inspires his workers to achieve greatness each and every day." – Jonas Falk, CEO, OrganicLife

"Leadership is influencing others by your character, humility and example. It is recognizable when others follow in word and deed without obligation or coercion." – Sonny Newman, president, EE Technologies

"Leadership is the collective action of everyone you influence. Your behavior — your actions and your words — determines how you influence. Our job as leaders is to energize whatever marshals action within others." – David Casullo, president, Bates Communications

- See more at: http://www.businessnewsdaily.com/3647-leadership-definition.html#sthash.MhBZPMM4.dpuf

Change yourself before you try to change the world

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