The Best Leaders Are Great Coaches

By
LOLLY DASKAL

Great leadership is made up of numerous different elements and roles, which come together differently in different leadership styles. One role that’s often overlooked is that of serving as a coach. If you’ve ever played or trained under a great coach, you already understand how vast their influence can be. The best leaders, like the best coaches, give those around them permission to succeed and know how to help them reach their potential. Here are some of the most important coaching ideas shared by great leaders—ideas that can benefit anyone’s leadership in any field:

Communicate with wisdom. As a coach and leader, you need exceptional communication skills. Your words should make people sit up, listen and feel inspired to act.

Challenge the unchallenged. It’s important to know how to challenge others without making them feel criticized or scorned. Raise the bar. Set and maintain high personal standards. Keep raising the bar so others can follow suit. Invest in teamwork. Teach those around you to value great collaboration even more than individual achievement.

Demonstrate the truth of TEAM: Together Everyone Achieves More

Encourage boldness. Encourage others to make mistakes and take bold moves. Nothing great was ever achieved by not being courageous.

Embrace diversity. Understand and take to heart the value of diversity and take advantage of every opportunity to demonstrate and attest to its importance.

View people in terms of their potential. Recognize the unrealized potential in those around you. Even more important, help them see it for themselves.

Be available. Whatever your position, build a reputation as someone who’s approachable and quick to help.

Accumulate resources. Develop an extensive network both within and outside your organization. Make it available as a resource for others, not just yourself.

Provide solutions. Learn to seek out and develop win-win solutions and teach those skills to others.

Be an optimist. Cultivate an optimistic outlook that guides you to focus on the possibilities and connections that others might miss.

Create a compelling vision. Have a well-developed personal vision that you can communicate clearly and with inspiration. Present your vision in a way that encourages others to do the same.

Coaches are great leaders because they know how to unlock potential and motivate people to maximize their performance. In short, they help others learn to be their best. And that’s what leadership is all about.

Lead from within: Great leadership isn’t about what you accomplish yourself; it’s about what you inspire others to do. Additional articles you might enjoy: How to Build a Business That’s Good for Everyone Why Great Leaders Expect Everyone to Be Great These 13 Things Will Kill Great Leadership The Best Free Leadership Advice You’ll Ever Get How to Tell You’re Dumbing Down Your Leadership 12 of the Most Dangerous Leadership Mindsets For coaching, consulting, workshops, and speaking.

Lolly Daskal is one of the most sought-after executive leadership coaches in the world. Her extensive cross-cultural expertise spans 14 countries, six languages and hundreds of companies. As founder and CEO of Lead From Within, her proprietary leadership program is engineered to be a catalyst for leaders who want to enhance performance and make a meaningful difference in their companies, their lives, and the world. Of Lolly’s many awards and accolades, Lolly was designated a Top-50 Leadership and Management Expert by Inc. magazine. Huffington Post honored Lolly with the title of The Most Inspiring Woman in the World. Her writing has appeared in HBR, Inc.com, Fast Company (Ask The Expert), Huffington Post, and Psychology Today, and others. Her newest book, The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness is being released by Portfolio May 2017.

13 Habits of Exceptionally Likeable People

Too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that being likeable comes from natural, unteachable traits that belong only to a lucky few—the good looking, the fiercely social, and the incredibly talented. It’s easy to fall prey to this misconception. In reality, being likeable is under your control, and it’s a matter of emotional intelligence (EQ). In a study conducted at UCLA, subjects rated over 500 adjectives based on their perceived significance to likeability. The top-rated adjectives had nothing to do with being gregarious, intelligent, or attractive (innate characteristics). Instead, the top adjectives were sincerity, transparency, and capacity for understanding (another person).

These adjectives, and others like them, describe people who are skilled in the social side of emotional intelligence. TalentSmart research data from more than a million people shows that people who possess these skills aren’t just highly likeable, they outperform those who don’t by a large margin. We did some digging to uncover the key behaviors that emotionally intelligent people engage in that make them so likeable.

Here are 13 of the best:

They Ask Questions
The biggest mistake people make when it comes to listening is they’re so focused on what they’re going to say next or how what the other person is saying is going to affect them that they fail to hear what’s being said. The words come through loud and clear, but the meaning is lost. A simple way to avoid this is to ask a lot of questions. People like to know you’re listening, and something as simple as a clarification question shows that not only are you listening, you also care about what they’re saying. You’ll be surprised how much respect and appreciation you gain just by asking questions.

They Put Away Their Phones
Nothing will turn someone off to you like a mid-conversation text message or even a quick glance at your phone. When you commit to a conversation, focus all of your energy on the conversation. You will find that conversations are more enjoyable and effective when you immerse yourself in them.

They Are Genuine Being genuine and honest is essential to being likeable. No one likes a fake. People gravitate toward those who are genuine because they know they can trust them. It is difficult to like someone when you don’t know who they really are and how they really feel. Likeable people know who they are. They are confident enough to be comfortable in their own skin. By concentrating on what drives you and makes you happy as an individual, you become a much more interesting person than if you attempt to win people over by making choices that you think will make them like you.

They Don’t Pass Judgment
If you want to be likeable you must be open-minded. Being open-minded makes you approachable and interesting to others. No one wants to have a conversation with someone who has already formed an opinion and is not willing to listen. Having an open mind is crucial in the workplace where approachability means access to new ideas and help. To eliminate preconceived notions and judgment, you need to see the world through other people’s eyes. This doesn’t require you believe what they believe or condone their behavior, it simply means you quit passing judgment long enough to truly understand what makes them tick. Only then can you let them be who they are.

They Don’t Seek Attention
People are averse to those who are desperate for attention. You don’t need to develop a big, extroverted personality to be likeable. Simply being friendly and considerate is all you need to win people over. When you speak in a friendly, confident, and concise manner, you will notice that people are much more attentive and persuadable than if you try to show them you’re important. People catch on to your attitude quickly and are more attracted to the right attitude than what—or how many people—you know. When you’re being given attention, such as when you’re being recognized for an accomplishment, shift the focus to all the people who worked hard to help you get there. This may sound cliché, but if it’s genuine, the fact that you pay attention to others and appreciate their help will show that you’re appreciative and humble—two adjectives that are closely tied to likeability.

They Are Consistent
Few things make you more unlikeable than when you’re all over the place. When people approach you, they like to know whom they’re dealing with and what sort of response they can expect. To be consistent you must be reliable, and you must ensure that even when your mood goes up and down it doesn’t affect how you treat other people.

They Use Positive Body Language Becoming cognizant of your gestures, expressions, and tone of voice (and making certain they’re positive) will draw people to you like ants to a picnic. Using an enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, and leaning towards the person who’s speaking are all forms of positive body language that high-EQ people use to draw others in. Positive body language can make all the difference in a conversation. It’s true that how you say something can be more important than what you say.

They Leave a Strong First Impression Research shows most people decide whether or not they like you within the first seven seconds of meeting you. They then spend the rest of the conversation internally justifying their initial reaction. This may sound terrifying, but by knowing this you can take advantage of it to make huge gains in your likeability. First impressions are tied intimately to positive body language. Strong posture, a firm handshake, smiling, and opening your shoulders to the person you are talking to will help ensure that your first impression is a good one.

They Greet People by Name
Your name is an essential part of your identity, and it feels terrific when people use it. Likeable people make certain they use others’ names every time they see them. You shouldn’t use someone’s name only when you greet him. Research shows that people feel validated when the person they’re speaking with refers to them by name during a conversation. If you’re great with faces but have trouble with names, have some fun with it and make remembering people’s names a brain exercise. When you meet someone, don’t be afraid to ask her name a second time if you forget it right after you hear it. You’ll need to keep her name handy if you’re going to remember it the next time you see her.

They Smile
People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they’re talking to. If you want people to like you, smile at them during a conversation and they will unconsciously return the favor and feel good as a result.

They Know When To Open Up
Be careful to avoid sharing personal problems and confessions too quickly, as this will get you labeled a complainer. Likeable people let the other person guide when it’s the right time for them to open up.

They Know Who To Touch (and They Touch Them)
When you touch someone during a conversation, you release oxytocin in their brain, a neurotransmitter that makes their brain associate you with trust and a slew of other positive feelings. A simple touch on the shoulder, a hug, or a friendly handshake is all it takes to release oxytocin. Of course, you have to touch the right person in the right way to release oxytocin, as unwanted or inappropriate touching has the opposite effect. Just remember, relationships are built not just from words, but also from general feelings about each other. Touching someone appropriately is a great way to show you care.

They Balance Passion and Fun
People gravitate toward those who are passionate. That said, it’s easy for passionate people to come across as too serious or uninterested because they tend to get absorbed in their work. Likeable people balance their passion with the ability to have fun. At work they are serious, yet friendly. They still get things done because they are socially effective in short amounts of time and they capitalize on valuable social moments. They minimize small talk and gossip and instead focus on having meaningful interactions with their coworkers. They remember what you said to them yesterday or last week, which shows that you’re just as important to them as their work.

Bringing It All Together
Likeable people are invaluable and unique. They network with ease, promote harmony in the workplace, bring out the best in everyone around them, and generally seem to have the most fun.

Add these skills to your repertoire and watch your likeability soar!
Travis co-wrote the bestselling book Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and co-founded TalentSmart.

Sarah Sobieski | Private Equity Power Play: Why Solution Providers Are The Next Big Bet

Submitted by Sarah Kuranda on February 27, 2017, 12:15 pm EST

When Optiv Security filed for its initial public offering in November, CEO Dan Burns said his phone started ringing. It was the private equity companies — they wanted in.

After evaluating a number of calls from what Burns said were the "biggest and best" private equity companies in the market, Optiv said in December that it was putting its public company ambitions aside in favor of an acquisition by KKR & Co. — the second-largest private equity firm in the world according to the 2016 Private Equity International 300 — in a deal reportedly worth $2 billion. Optiv weighed its options, choosing to go the private equity route because it felt KKR understood the company's vision for the future. Burns believes a partner like KKR can lend strategic advice and financial support to help Optiv hit its goal of becoming a global security powerhouse more easily than if it were going it alone. [Related: KKR's Herald Chen On Why Private Equity Sees The Channel As A 'Great Value Proposition'] "They are seeing the value. They are realizing the value. I think you saw that in this deal," Burns said. "Private equity firms are truly starting to understand the complexity in security. While maybe in the past they have invested in technologies and potentially had some ups and then downs, I think they view us — the cybersecurity solution providers — as the ultimate investment," he said. Solution providers like Optiv present a unique opportunity, he said. On the front lines with clients, wielding a broad array of security products as weapons in the war against cyberattacks every day, Burns said Optiv has a better view on where technology trends are heading and how to meet business needs. For private equity, he said that's an appealing value proposition. "We can be, in a way, the index of security. We see what's going on in security well before investors do and well before most other people see what's going on, what's emerging and what's being written and produced. We're the perfect gateway for emerging companies, as well as maturing companies," he said. Herald Chen, co-head of the technology, media and telecommunications team at KKR, said he saw the investment in Denver-based Optiv as an opportunity to build "one of the most valuable security companies" in the market. Security threats and technologies are evolving so quickly that customers are turning to trusted third parties like Optiv more than ever, he said, making it an "opportunity to build a very valuable and important company in the cybersecurity landscape." "This is a very, very big industry for a reason. … Technologies are changing so quickly and customers need so much help that this was a really interesting place for us to make a direct investment into a channel business," Chen said. "The value-add is high and I think if we do it right it will likely only go up." However, it isn't just cybersecurity solution providers that have piqued the interest of private equity firms. Private equity deals across the channel are at an all-time high, according to exclusive research from martinwolf M&A Advisors of Walnut Creek, Calif., one of the top channel investment advisory deal makers. According to its research, nearly 70 percent of transactions involving solution providers in 2016 also included private equity. That follows on the heels of another busy year for private equity in 2015, which accounted for more than 60 percent of North American VAR and solution provider deals.

Sarah Sobieski | 100 Motivational Quotes That Will Inspire You To Be Successful

As entrepreneurs, leaders, and bosses, we must realize that everything we think about we are projecting into the future. Read on to find the words of wisdom that will inspire your heart, motivate your mind in building your business, leading your life, creating success, achieving your goals, and overcoming your fears.

100 Motivational Quotes That Will Inspire You To Be Successful:

1. If you want to achieve greatness stop asking for permission. ~Anonymous

2. Things work out best for those who make the best of how things work out. ~John Wooden

3. To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong. ~Anonymous

4. If you are not willing to risk the usual you will have to settle for the ordinary. ~Jim Rohn

5. Trust because you are willing to accept the risk, not because it’s safe or certain. ~Anonymous

6. Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life – think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success. ~Swami Vivekananda

7. All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them. ~Walt Disney

8. Good things come to people who wait, but better things come to those who go out and get them. ~Anonymous

9. If you do what you always did, you will get what you always got. ~Anonymous

10. Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm. ~Winston Churchill

11. Just when the caterpillar thought the world was ending, he turned into a butterfly. ~Proverb

12. Successful entrepreneurs are givers and not takers of positive energy. ~Anonymous

13. Whenever you see a successful person you only see the public glories, never the private sacrifices to reach them. ~Vaibhav Shah

14. Opportunities don’t happen, you create them. ~Chris Grosser

15. Try not to become a person of success, but rather try to become a person of value. ~Albert Einstein

16. Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

17. I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. ~Thomas A. Edison

18. If you don’t value your time, neither will others. Stop giving away your time and talents- start charging for it. ~Kim Garst

19. A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him. ~David Brinkley

20. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

21. The whole secret of a successful life is to find out what is one’s destiny to do, and then do it. ~Henry Ford

22. If you’re going through hell keep going. ~Winston Churchill

23. The ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones that do. ~Anonymous

24. Don’t raise your voice, improve your argument. ~Anonymous

25. What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise.~ Oscar Wilde

26. The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away. ~Anonymous

27. The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success. ~Bruce Feirstein

28. When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you. ~Lolly Daskal

29. Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great. ~John D. Rockefeller

30. No masterpiece was ever created by a lazy artist.~ Anonymous

31. Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

32. If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough. ~Albert Einstein

33. Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting. ~Anonymous

34. Do one thing every day that scares you. ~Anonymous

35. What’s the point of being alive if you don’t at least try to do something remarkable. ~Anonymous

36. Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. ~Lolly Daskal

37. Nothing in the world is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. ~Anonymous

38. Knowledge is being aware of what you can do. Wisdom is knowing when not to do it. ~Anonymous

39. Your problem isn’t the problem. Your reaction is the problem. ~Anonymous

40. You can do anything, but not everything. ~Anonymous

41. Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower. ~Steve Jobs

42. There are two types of people who will tell you that you cannot make a difference in this world: those who are afraid to try and those who are afraid you will succeed. ~Ray Goforth

43. Thinking should become your capital asset, no matter whatever ups and downs you come across in your life. ~Dr. APJ Kalam

44. I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have. ~Thomas Jefferson

45. The starting point of all achievement is desire. ~Napolean Hill

46. Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day-in and day-out. ~Robert Collier

47. If you want to achieve excellence, you can get there today. As of this second, quit doing less-than-excellent work. ~Thomas J. Watson

48. All progress takes place outside the comfort zone. ~Michael John Bobak

49. You may only succeed if you desire succeeding; you may only fail if you do not mind failing. ~Philippos

50. Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absense of fear. ~Mark Twain

51. Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone. ~Pablo Picasso

52. People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily. ~Zig Ziglar

53. We become what we think about most of the time, and that’s the strangest secret. ~Earl Nightingale

54. The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary. ~Vidal Sassoon

55. The best reason to start an organization is to make meaning; to create a product or service to make the world a better place. ~Guy Kawasaki

56. I find that when you have a real interest in life and a curious life, that sleep is not the most important thing. ~Martha Stewart

57. It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see. ~Anonymous

58. The road to success and the road to failure are almost exactly the same. ~Colin R. Davis

59. The function of leadership is to produce more leaders, not more followers. ~Ralph Nader

60. Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it. ~Maya Angelou

61. As we look ahead into the next century, leaders will be those who empower others. ~Bill Gates

62. A real entrepreneur is somebody who has no safety net underneath them. ~Henry Kravis

63. The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself. ~Mark Caine

64. People who succeed have momentum. The more they succeed, the more they want to succeed, and the more they find a way to succeed. Similarly, when someone is failing, the tendency is to get on a downward spiral that can even become a self-fulfilling prophecy. ~Tony Robbins

65. When I dare to be powerful – to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. ~Audre Lorde

66. Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. ~Mark Twain

67. The successful warrior is the average man, with laser-like focus. ~Bruce Lee

68. Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life — think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success. ~Swami Vivekananda

69. Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success. ~Dale Carnegie

70. If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much. ~ Jim Rohn

71. If you genuinely want something, don’t wait for it — teach yourself to be impatient. ~Gurbaksh Chahal

72. Don’t let the fear of losing be greater than the excitement of winning. ~Robert Kiyosaki

73. If you want to make a permanent change, stop focusing on the size of your problems and start focusing on the size of you! ~T. Harv Eker

74. You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life. ~Steve Jobs

75. Successful people do what unsuccessful people are not willing to doDon’t wish it were easier, wish you were better. ~Jim Rohn

76. The number one reason people fail in life is because they listen to their friends, family, and neighbors. ~Napoleon Hill

77. The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don’t define them, or ever seriously consider them as believable or achievable. Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them. ~Denis Watiley

78. In my experience, there is only one motivation, and that is desire. No reasons or principle contain it or stand against it. ~Jane Smiley

79. Success does not consist in never making mistakes but in never making the same one a second time. ~George Bernard Shaw

80. I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well. ~Diane Ackerman

81. You must expect great things of yourself before you can do them. ~Michael Jordan

82. Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going. ~Jim Ryun

83. People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing. ~Dale Carnegie

84. There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul. ~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

85. Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter. ~Francis Chan

86. You’ve got to get up every morning with determination if you’re going to go to bed with satisfaction. ~George Lorimer

87. To be successful you must accept all challenges that come your way. You can’t just accept the ones you like. ~Mike Gafka

88. Success is…knowing your purpose in life, growing to reach your maximum potential, and sowing seeds that benefit others. ~ John C. Maxwell

89. Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice. ~Wayne Dyer

90. To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream, not only plan, but also believe.~ Anatole France

91. Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no help at all. ~Dale Carnegie

92. You measure the size of the accomplishment by the obstacles you had to overcome to reach your goals. ~Booker T. Washington

93. Real difficulties can be overcome; it is only the imaginary ones that are unconquerable. ~Theodore N. Vail

94. It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation. ~Herman Melville

95. Fortune sides with him who dares. ~Virgil

96. Little minds are tamed and subdued by misfortune; but great minds rise above it. ~Washington Irving

97. Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor. ~Truman Capote

98. Don’t let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. ~John R. Wooden

99. You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it. ~Margaret Thatcher

100. A man can be as great as he wants to be. If you believe in yourself and have the courage, the determination, the dedication, the competitive drive and if you are willing to sacrifice the little things in life and pay the price for the things that are worthwhile, it can be done. ~Vince Lombardi

As we read these thoughts, know they are sources of guidance in times of need, they can give us inspiration in times of struggle, they can motivate us in times of tribulations — success is not final and failure is not forever: it is the motivation we to choose that matters most.

Traits Of A Great Boss

TalentSmart has conducted research with more than a million people, and we’ve found that the best bosses have a lot in common. In particular, 90% of them are skilled at managing their emotions in order to stay focused, calm, and productive. These folks have high emotional intelligence (EQ), a skill set that’s critical to achieving your dreams. It also happens to make them great to work for. It’s through a leader’s actions—what he or she does and says on a daily basis—that the essence of great leadership becomes apparent. Behavior can change, and leaders who work to improve themselves get results. While I’ve run across numerous effective strategies that great bosses employ, what follows are ten of the best. Some of these may seem obvious, but the real challenge lies in recognizing when you need to use them and having the wherewithal to actually do so. 1. They’re Composed Great bosses are composed because they constantly monitor their emotions, they understand them, and they use this knowledge in the moment to react to challenging situations with self-control. When things go downhill, they are persistently calm and frustratingly content (frustrating to those who aren’t, at least). They know that no matter how good or bad things get, everything changes with time. All they can do is adapt and adjust to stay happy and in control. 2. They’re Graceful Graceful people are the perfect combination of strong and gentle. They don’t resort to intimidation, anger, or manipulation to get a point across because their gentle, self-assured nature gets the job done. The word gentle often carries a negative connotation (especially in the workplace), but in reality, it’s the gentleness of being graceful that gives ultra successful leaders their power. They’re approachable, likeable, and easy to get along with—all qualities that make people highly amenable to their ideas. 3. They’re Knowledgeable Great bosses know more than others do because they’re constantly working to increase their self-awareness. They vow constant growth. Whenever they have a spare moment, they fill it with self-education. They don’t do this because it’s “the right thing to do”; they do it because it’s their passion. They’re always looking for opportunities to improve and new things to learn about themselves and the world around them. Instead of succumbing to their fear of looking stupid, truly exceptional people just ask the questions on their mind, because they would rather learn something new than appear smart. 4. They’re Honest Great bosses trust that honesty and integrity, though painful at times, always work out for the best in the long run. They know that honesty allows for genuine connections with people in a way that dishonesty can’t and that lying always comes back to bite you in the end. In fact, a Notre Dame study showed that people who often lied experienced more mental health problems than their more honest counterparts. 5. They’re Deliberate Great bosses reach decisions by thinking things out, seeking advice from others, and sleeping on it. They know that (as studies show) impulsively relying too much on gut-instinct is ineffective and misleading. Being able to slow down and logically think things through makes all the difference. 6. They Speak with Certainty It’s rare to hear great bosses utter things like “Um,” “I’m not sure,” and “I think.” Successful leaders speak assertively because they know that it’s difficult to get people to listen to you if you can’t deliver your ideas with conviction. 7. They Use Positive Body Language Becoming cognizant of your gestures, expressions, and tone of voice (and making certain they’re positive) draws people to you like ants to a picnic. Using an enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, and leaning towards the person who’s speaking are all forms of positive body language that super successful people use to draw others in. Positive body language makes all the difference in a conversation because how you say something can be more important than what you say. 8. They're Confident Successful leaders like to challenge themselves and compete, even when their efforts yield only small victories. Small victories build new androgen receptors in the areas of the brain responsible for reward and motivation. The increase in androgen receptors increases the influence of testosterone, which further increases their confidence and eagerness to tackle future challenges. When you achieve a series of small victories, the boost in your confidence can last for months. 9. They’re Fearless Fear is nothing more than a lingering emotion that’s fueled by your imagination. Danger is real. It’s the uncomfortable rush of adrenaline you get when you almost step in front of a bus. Fear is a choice. Exceptional leaders know this better than anyone does, so they flip fear on its head. Instead of letting fear take over, they are addicted to the euphoric feeling they get from conquering their fears. 10. They’re Grateful Ultra successful leaders know that it took a lot of ambition, passion, and hard work to get where they are in life. They also know that their mentors, colleagues, families, and friends all played a huge role in their success. Instead of basking in the glory of achievement, these leaders recognize others for the wonderful things they’ve done for them. Bringing It All Together These habits can make any of us more successful if we use them every day. Give them a try and see where they take you. Please share your thoughts in the comments section below, as I learn just as much from you as you do from me. ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the #1 bestselling book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0, and the cofounder of TalentSmart, the world's leading provider of emotional intelligence tests and training, serving more than 75% of Fortune 500 companies. His bestselling books have been translated into 25 languages and are available in more than 150 countries. Dr. Bradberry has written for, or been covered by, Newsweek, BusinessWeek, Fortune, Forbes, Fast Company, Inc., USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The Harvard Business Review.  If you'd like to learn how to increase your emotional intelligence (EQ), consider taking the online Emotional Intelligence Appraisal test that's included with the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book. Your test results will pinpoint which of the book's 66 emotional intelligence strategies will increase your EQ the most. Written by  ✓ Following Dr. Travis Bradberry Coauthor EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE 2.0 & President at TalentSmart

The Dangers of Power

One scholar shows how you can gain more power, and why you should be leery.

July 27, 2016|by Shana Lynch

Do you know how to manage your power?

If life focuses on the pursuit of happiness, work focuses on the pursuit of power. We angle for those promotions, negotiate for raises, or eye the corner office.  But success extends beyond pursuing power — we must also learn how to manage it, says Stanford GSB professor Brian Lowery.

“You have to be careful with power,” he says. “Think of it as fire. It’s useful, but it’s also dangerous.”

As part of a Stanford Executive Program course, he describes different sources of power, simple ways people can obtain more of it, and the fallbacks of mismanaging that power.

Sources of Power
Society naturally orders into hierarchy, Lowery says. Some is pre-established: We know from a business organizational chart who’s in charge. But hierarchy also develops quickly among complete strangers. How does one person in a group of strangers influence others? Lowery cites six sources of power.

-Reward: We give people what they want.
-Coercion: We use fear to get people to do what we want them to do.
-Information: We earn power when we know something others don’t.
-Legitimate: In formal legitimate power, we have power because we’re the CEO, for example, and our subordinates do what we tell them to do. For informal, consider how children have power over their parents because responsible parents must feed and take care of them.
-Expert: If we are the only engineer in a new organization, for example, we wield a lot of power.
-Referent: We gain power through fame, status, and charisma — people like us and want to follow us.

Reward and coercion are sometimes the least efficient, Lowery notes. Law enforcers coerce people by threatening jail, but they can only enforce that power through surveillance. That can be time-consuming and costly. And reward can backfire if goals aren’t aligned. If you offer more money to an engineer to encourage her to code faster, for example, you may get more code, but it may be worse quality. Her goal — to make more money — conflicts with your goal — to have more high-quality code.

Increasing Your Power
An easy way to increase the likelihood that people will perceive you as powerful is through dominance moves:

-Look large. When someone seems large or imposing, they seem more powerful. Take up more physical space.
-Gaze directly at others, especially while talking. Avoid tilting your head.
-Use strong hand gestures.
-Furrow your brows.
-Interrupt others.
-When something goes wrong, react with anger rather than sadness. Anger is seen as the more powerful emotion of the two.
-Speak loudly.
-Reduce interpersonal distance.  Walking into someone’s personal space is considered a high-power move.
-Physically connect with lower-powered people in an appropriate way.

Asymmetrical contact — the CEO patting you on the back, for instance — seems friendly and inviting, as well as powerful. This doesn’t work in reverse, however.

Managing Power
Power doesn’t always have a positive effect, Lowery says.  On the one hand, the powerful feel action-oriented, are less inhibited, and have heightened senses of optimism and control. But they’re also more likely to see people as tools and lack perspective outside their own.

You have to be careful with power. Think of it as fire. It’s useful, but it’s also dangerous.
Brian Lowery

“When you put these together, you can get inappropriate behaviors as a function of power,” he says. The powerful might rely on their own sense of morality in a decision, but if they’re already less inhibited and more inclined to think optimistically, they can run the risk of doing something illegal or dangerous, hurt negotiations, or harm their reputations.

“What I would strongly suggest is, as your power grows, you have people to help you check your own behavior,” Lowery says. “Don’t rely on yourself as a good person to check your behavior because you could end up missing what’s going on.”

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The unexamined life isn’t worth living

It’s surprising how easy it is to lose sight of the important things in life. Busy schedules and regular routines have a tendency to put the brain on autopilot.

When things aren’t going quite the way you’d like them to, it’s often because you've lost focus on what really matters. But focusing on life's fundamental truths can be difficult, especially when they remind you that you're heading in the wrong direction.

The best things in life don’t come easily, and failing to observe yourself carefully is a sure path to mediocrity. I believe that Socrates said it best:

“The unexamined life isn’t worth living.”

Socrates’ observation also applies to business. When Eric Schmidt was CEO of Google, he famously said, “We run this company on questions, not answers.”

Life and business run on questions, not answers. You should be asking yourself regularly if you're headed in the right direction.

Many of life’s essential truths need repeating. We need reminders that help us to stay focused on them. Keep these truths handy and they're sure to give you a much-needed boost.

Great success is often preceded by failure. You will never experience true success until you learn to embrace failure. Your mistakes pave the way for you to succeed by revealing when you’re on the wrong path.

The biggest breakthroughs typically come when you’re feeling the most frustrated and the most stuck. It’s this frustration that forces you to think differently, to look outside the box and see the solution that you’ve been missing.

Success takes patience and the ability to maintain a good attitude even while suffering for what you believe in.

Being busy does not equal being productive. Look at everyone around you. They all seem so busy—running from meeting to meeting and firing off emails. Yet how many of them are really producing, really succeeding at a high level?

Success doesn’t come from movement and activity. It comes from focus—from ensuring that your time is used efficiently and productively.

You get the same number of hours in the day as everyone else. Use yours wisely. After all, you’re the product of your output, not your effort. Make certain your efforts are dedicated to tasks that get results.

You're only as good as those you associate with. You should strive to surround yourself with people who inspire you, people who make you want to be better. And you probably do. But what about the people who drag you down? Why do you allow them to be a part of your life?

Anyone who makes you feel worthless, anxious, or uninspired is wasting your time and, quite possibly, making you more like them. Life is too short to associate with people like this. Cut them loose.

You're living the life you've created. You are not a victim of circumstance. No one can force you to make decisions and take actions that run contrary to your values and aspirations.

The circumstances you’re living in today are your own—you created them. Likewise, your future is entirely up to you. If you’re feeling stuck, it’s probably because you’re afraid to take the risks necessary to achieve your goals and live your dreams.

When it’s time to take action, remember that it’s always better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb than at the top of one you don’t.

Fear is the #1 source of regret. When it’s all said and done, you will lament the chances you didn’t take far more than you will your failures. Don’t be afraid to take risks.

I often hear people say, “What’s the worst thing that can happen to you? Will it kill you?” Yet, death isn’t the worst thing that can happen to you.

The worst thing that can happen to you is allowing yourself to die inside while you’re still alive.

You don't have to wait for an apology to forgive. Life goes a lot smoother once you let go of grudges and forgive even those who never said they were sorry. Grudges let negative events from your past ruin today’s happiness. Hate and anger are emotional parasites that destroy your joy in life.

The negative emotions that come with holding on to a grudge create a stress response in your body, and holding on to stress can have devastating health consequences. Researchers at Emory University have shown that holding on to stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease.

When you forgive someone, it doesn’t condone their actions; it simply frees you from being their eternal victim.

Live in the moment. You can’t reach your full potential until you learn to live your life in the present.

No amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of anxiety can change the future. It’s impossible to be happy if you’re constantly somewhere else, unable to fully embrace the reality (good or bad) of this very moment.

To help yourself live in the moment, you must do two things:

1) Accept your past. If you don’t make peace with your past, it will never leave you and, in doing so, it will create your future.

2) Accept the uncertainty of the future. Worry has no place in the here and now. As Mark Twain once said, “Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.”

Your self-worth must come from within. When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from comparing yourself to others, you are no longer the master of your own destiny. When you feel good about something that you’ve done, don’t allow anyone’s opinions or accomplishments to take that away from you.

While it’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you don’t have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within. Regardless of what people think of you at any particular moment, one thing is certain—you’re never as good or bad as they say you are.

Life is short. None of us are guaranteed a tomorrow. Yet, when someone dies unexpectedly it causes us to take stock of our own life: what’s really important, how we spend our time, and how we treat other people.

Loss is a raw, visceral reminder of the frailty of life. It shouldn’t be.

Remind yourself every morning when you wake up that each day is a gift and you’re bound to make the most of the blessing you’ve been given. The moment you start acting like life is a blessing is the moment it will start acting like one.

After all, a great day begins with a great mindset.

Change is inevitable—embrace it. Only when you embrace change can you find the good in it. You need to have an open mind and open arms if you’re going to recognize, and capitalize on, the opportunities that change creates.

You’re bound to fail when you keep doing the same things you always have in the hope that ignoring change will make it go away.

After all, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Life doesn’t stop for anyone. When things are going well, appreciate them and enjoy them, as they are bound to change. If you are always searching for something more, something better, that you think is going to make you happy, you’ll never be present enough to enjoy the great moments before they’re gone.

Bringing It All Together

Staying focused and asking the hard questions can be extremely uncomfortable. But we don’t learn and grow by sticking with what’s comfortable.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the #1 bestselling book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0, and the cofounder of TalentSmart, the world's leading provider of emotional intelligence tests and training, serving more than 75% of Fortune 500 companies. His bestselling books have been translated into 25 languages and are available in more than 150 countries. Dr. Bradberry has written for, or been covered by, Newsweek, BusinessWeek, Fortune, Forbes, Fast Company, Inc., USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The Harvard Business Review.